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We went out twice and I invited him out with my male friend and I at a bar. Joe is not worth upsetting my husband, but I know I would resent being forced to give him up as a friend. IMO, if there's nothing going on and they're just friends then why would you be left out of that? I am no marriage counselor, but this doesnt seem right to me. I go to my room and shut the door when I talk with my girl friends!! I don't mean to tiptoe around your husband or anything, or "submit to his will" it is just easier at times to compromise to keep from a problem growing. Just chill and ask her whats the urge to go out with male friends if you are really not sure. Life is different, but it is wonderful, for both of us. Your marriage should be protected at all costs & if that means cooling off a friendship with someone who lives across the country then so be it. Perhaps he has never had a female friend with having other motives, but these types of friendships happen all the time. He just recently came out to me. Me and my husband have been married for 4 years. We are friends with single people of the same sex, or couples.We NEVER hang out with alone, or talk with alone (purposefully) people of the opposite sex. I think your husband is just being insecure. If it still really bothers him and is creating problems obiviously he is more important so I would suggest just letting the relationship with "joe" fizzle cause it wouldn't be worth causing problems for you and your hubby but if you guys reach a sort of agreement or he understands differently after your talk than that is good too.. Don't hide your contact with Joe though.. that will only make your husbands feelings stronger and don't tell him to get over it really try to see his point of view and let him know you really care about his feelings and after he hears your point of view and you know he has really heard you.. you will respect whatever his feelings are at that point even if it means losing contact with joe. If you have kids, then you know that its hard to find time for romance. If shes able to reassure you that theres nothing going on between them, then youll be able to relax and enjoy your marriage. Can Guys Just Be Friends with Girls? If not, then tell your husband to get over it. You're a person, not a beloning, and should be able to do whatever the heck you want. My husband will tell you that NO man is just friends with a woman. One of my best friends of 17 years is male, but my husband has never once been jealous of him. From what shes said, she hasnt fucked him, and doesnt meet up with him alone. I just get along much better with guys, as a general rule. I managed to break the clutches of the friend-zone and we have been together ever since. Maybe not. I think when you have an opposite gender friend who is not a mutual friend it can become awkward, especially if your husband is not used to that kind of relationship. I think he is a bastard. Don't lie to your husbandthat just feeds his insecurity and jealousy.maybe a neutral 3rd party could be a good way for the two of you to talk this outyour pastor or a counselor. They Act Superior and Entitled. Hubby has a problem with wife's male friend While it is understandable that you may feel threatened by your wifes relationship with her male friend, it is important to remember that your wife is an independent person and she has the right to choose her own friends. Is there a deeper reason why you keep the relationship alive even though you both have very separate lives? If she acts too familiar with them and that makes you uncomfortable say so. At the very least, you should talk to one too, so that you can get confirmation that your feelings are valid and that you are not the only one who has to compromise. There is no way around it. They obviously had feelings for eachother at one time at least. argument, I would sit down and have a discussion with your husband about trust in your relationship, and about how regardless of anyone else desiring you, hitting on you, whatever, you are only interested in him and him alone, and that you would never allow anything to happen with anyone else. Understandably you are upset by this. New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. What should I do? They weren't always physical affairs, they were also many times only emotional affairs. Good Luck. I am sure that while maybe the majority feels that way, I can't see all of them being like that. jealous Jealousy is typically considered a negative emotion, but psychological astrologer/frequent goop contributor Jennifer Freed, Ph.D. counters that it can be a compelling motivator for self-growth, and reinforce the connections that matter most to you. Ask Sahaj: The future of the country feels bleak. Your husband is the one with the problem He is insecure about your relationship and doesn't have reason to be. You need to figure out if your wife is having an affair with is man, emotional or physical. WebRetroactive or retrospective jealousy is a form of jealousy about ones' partner's past sexual experiences. I agree everyone can have friends, but if the relationship is making your husband uncomfortable and he has told you that, I'm not ure why you are hesitating. I think counseling would be a good step in the right direction to get to the bottom of this and get it sorted out. WTF? He is a married man. You know that Joe is not interested, but your husband doesn't. Yikes. I have never seen this issue addressed before. 09/11/2017 21:09. You don't have romantic feelings for Joe. So we keep in touch over the phone every few months or so. i don;t think you should get rid of him! Try again. Tell them you're excited about it getting to know this person and spending more time with them. That seems to help keep things open if someone is not comfortable. Spending a night in a female friends room, that sounds interesting. Even though he seems wrong on this, I know how bad it hurts when spouses refuse to ditch the old friends even if you explain how it hurts and they are supposed to be putting you first and they don't. Jealousy is one of the emotions that make narcissists dangerous. My friend is quite secretive and has been single all the way. Location: Fairest Cape. If difficulties between you and your wife's friends are causing a rift in your marriage, those friends are most likely not the problem. It Found Her. This is inappropriate behavior by any estimation. Reddit, Inc. 2023. jealous of her guy friends She has a male GF. Talking it out is one of the best ways to resolve relationship issues, and an understanding friend will let you put it all on the table. 3. I got married and have been for several years and he is engaged to a wonderful woman. I bear no ill will toward him or his future bride and only wish to see him happy. I thoroughly enjoy people but dont care for the practice of shaking hands. He may tell you that he loves her or wants to be with her. But I guess it comes down to whether you want to be right or married. I was jealous at first, but once she explained the situation to me and I met the guy and we all hung out, I was okay with it. I don't think it's fair for me to feel this pressure.". I think if the shoe was on the other foot, your wife would have the same issue with your female friend. It is natural for a man to c0ckbl0ck. My husband and I are a social unit, and that's how we present ourselves. Wife's male friend I've seen it in my church, in my family, in friend's families. If you feel comfortable with something short of that, good for you. It encompasses love. He may buy her gifts, do favors for her, or try to make her laugh. Maybe and just maybe if Joe was in the same city and you guys were having dinners and stuff he'd have a point (but even then that's arguable) but worrying about a few phone calls seems silly. That was really nice and helped her feel more secure I think. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. This is an awkward and very gray area and the two of you might benefit from some facilitated/counselled conversation since it sounds like there are some deeper issues for your husband. Would you have the same issue with this were it a female friend? You've noticed that your wife is spending a lot of time around another man lately -- whether he is simply a friend or a colleague at work, a neighbor or even an acquaintance. The next time you remember some of the signs your friend is jealous around you. friends are jealous of your relationship One question you may want to ask your wife: Teh biggest red flag for me is the timing. I'd have a really big probleml for my wife to go meet some guy repeated times, and i haven't even met him. [5] You could also distract yourself by spending time with a friend or doing something you enjoy. Neither of them suggested or forced it on the other, it just happened. The question is "is it a wise thing to do"??? Some guys are amongst my absolute best friends. a year after they married, "Joe" came into town. Yes, Joe was your friend before you met your husband and yes, you are not attracted to each other. "Someone with low self However, it is important to communicate with your partner about how much contact you are comfortable with them having. Guy Now, I felt a little silly and insecure about making an issue out of it, but the way my husband responded really made me feel like I was the most important thing (which I believe a spouse *should* be). Women bond to men from a different angle, as opposed to how we men bond to women. 5. Archived post. But tell her what she needs to do. How To Know Neither Of Your Wife Or Her Male Friend Have Feelings For Other? You have a choice, your marriage or Joe's friendship. Its natural to feel jealous when your partner is spending time with someone else, but you need to remember that your wife loves you and would never do anything to hurt you. The choice is that simple. (I should add that the animals do not have any embedded cameras or recording equipment.). i don't see a huge problem in ending a casual friendship to save your marriage, but i see a big red flag in a marriage that can't withstand casual friendships with folks of the opposite sex. Go deep. When you think they like you, or Guy Friends Some suggest your husband is controlling but I don't think he is because he doesn't get bent out of shape when you close the door to speak with the girlfriends. He'll not like a woman friend and ask you not to see her. That says something, doesn't it? I expect my husband to drop female friends I am not comfortable with and after a long drawn out argument he always does. I think this makes your husband jealous. Key points. If you notice this happening, you need to have a serious talk with your wife and best friend. We also didnt know the gender of the wives friends the husbands disapproval could of course be linked to feelings of jealousy, particularly of opposite- sex If your husband is sure that you are not interested in anyone other than him, then what does it matter? Can I offer the other perspective? If Joe has any respect for your husband and your marriage he would and should just let the friendship go. Lundquist said if you're jealous of your friend's relationship because you're feeling bad about your own romantic life, go to therapy to work through You can try to recreate that feeling by doing things that are new and exciting together. WebThere's a valid reason to be "jealous" because we all know 95% of male "friends" secretly or overtly want to become more. Her husband was never OK with it. If she didn't love you then she wouldn't have married you. Ask Amy: Couple plans to gently conclude relationship with the You need trust and communication in a relationship. But if it starts to make me feel uncomfortable, Ill have to trust my gut and speak up. Is there any reason why she isn't asking you to tag along? I mean, I've had a ton of male friends over the years and have both had and seen many successful male/female friendships, but this is totally out of bounds. This friend and I continued to talk/see each other once or twice a year for a while and now we just check in with each other by email maybe once a year or even less. They're friends, they talk. Feeling anxious and jealous of my wifes male friend I think as someone suggested, Christmas cards are fine but maybe you just have to leave it at that. If you hear him say these things, its important to talk to your wife and best friend to see whats going on. However, if shes not able to reassure you, then you may need to take some action to protect your marriage. This will move from one situation to the next if you do what he wants. Especially since no boundaries have been crossed with the two of you and it is purely friendship. Happily, not everyone gets jealous when his or her partner wants to spend time with friends. Communicate. Your being upset affects both people in the marriage. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. My husband is my #1 and I never want to hurt him. In any case, you are not in the wrong, and you have valid reasons to feel jealous. This isn't about having friends of the opposite sex. We had had spouses cheat in the past and we agreed that this is what would make us most comfortable. 5. If you sit back and let this guy charm her, then maybe she'll end up feeling that she has more in common with him than you. It will give them the reassurance they need in the moment. WebI'm jealous of my girlfriend's guy friends. My husband don't have friends of the opposite sex. The Outer strategy is simple: try to control everything external to your inner world. WebStrategy 1: The Outer. He makes fun of the things you like. The best way to deal with a jealous partner may be to reassure them The fact that it is bothering you ( you wrote about it and thought about it) means. I'd also take with a pinch of salt his accounts of her and her behaviour - it could well be he's torturing her emotionally, using you amongst other things, hence her 'flakiness'. I've seen countless threads on metafilter that say when the guy has a friend who is a woman and the wife/gf is jealous then she's somehow irrational and abusive. my dad is a social hermit. I don't say this lightly; I have had my one and only truly platonic friend from Bible school, we travelled to 4 countries ministering and learning and exploring together, stayed up to all hours of the night at ihop trying to get all our studying in with the craziest school, ministry, work schedules on the planet.