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(A deep piano melody, heavy but moving with momentum and emotion, plays.). Bob: Because I speak out so much, the word just spreads. A transcript of this episode is presented below: (Rain rolls in, over the sound of birds calling. The Controversial Story of the Remains of the World Trade Center (Reader Jim) The author writes, "In the months after the 9/11 attack, which killed thousands of people and cost US $40 billion in damages, the shock at the tower collapse gave way to the monstrous scale of the rescue and clean-up operation in New York. Senior: Bob got the medical examiners report. It suggests that grief is, like, something that one can do well or one can do poorly and you can either get down the mountain and achieve your task, or youre a failure and youre bad at grieving. The Atlantic's Jennifer Senior Wins 2022 Pulitzer Prize for - MSN But I feel really bad for him. As Adsel told me, Millennials are a lot more wearythey came into adulthood during the recession, they lived through 9/11. Featured. It was a helpful metaphor, one that may have saved the McIlvaines marriage. Those conversations wound up being about them somehow. Senior: Bobs wife, Helen, is in no way interested in investigating their sons death the way that Bob is. Like thousands of . Rice: Uh, first, let me just make certain , Ben-Veniste: If you could just answer that question. Did you set out to get the diary from the beginning? And that was part of the whole thing where I, like, started keeping people away. Was it hard to be objective about their perspective? Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Trusting that he had, we put Shahid on the bus the next morning, but on the afternoon ride it happened again. Senior: And I think thats really where he broke off from all of the anti-war folks. A horrible accident, but hopefully one with few casualties, I told myself. But inside, the guy was a sage and a sapphilosophical about disappointments, melancholy when the weather changed, moony over girlfriends. She was fermenting in her own anger. Helen: You know, its that feeling of that frustration. Helen: Sometimes I almost pretend [A beat.] From 9/11's Ashes, a New World Took Shape. It Did Not Last. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Senior: In the early days, the Mcllvainesthe parentsthey couldnt get through the day. (A long moment of the music, resonating as if in a long, empty room.). "What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind" was published in the September issue. Senior: And she loved it. Please dont.. Music by Tasty Morsels, and additional music also by Joe Plourde. Six stories on the immediate and ongoing aftermath of the attacks that took place on September 11th, 2001. It looked like what Im used to seeing when we study 75-year-olds. And she wasnt afraid of it. ridiculously precocious and charming. He went off to Princeton. He was my brothers roommate in college. Jeff: Butbut this is the way it is. See what I mean? And I dont know how many names hes going to be reading, but I know that the last name he will say will be And my uncle, Robert George McIlvaine.. There was more and more and more rabbit holes to go down if you wanted to, more things to research. Senior: You dont want to get away from it. By 2014, however, Rons troubles with thinking and memory were becoming unmanageable. In September 2001, The Onion staff had only just moved to Manhattan, from Madison, Wisconsin. Its been 20 years. She wanted to find a way to lead a better, richer, less angry, less bitter life. Parts of the two Boeing 767s and Boeing 757sused in the attacks had been hand-made and assembled in our building. Helen: Hes stillYou can feel it in him: Hes revved up, and he wants you to believe it, and hes got a campaign going. It wasnt New York. It struck me as immature and a little clueless; how could she not understand that a mother would be desperate for that kind of stuff? But when I talked with him back in April, he said something that just floored me. Senior: And you are all going to get down however you can. 1: His body was recovered. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. And the reason we thought thisthere were two reasons for this. Editing by Katherine Wells and Scott Stossel. This was weird. 9/11, the national news event. Imagine if he knew that my parents and my brother never were able to recover from that. . By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. All rights reserved. Early on, the McIlvaines spoke to a therapist who warned them that each member of their family would grieve differently. Parentsand non-alumni can receive all 11 issues of PAW for $22 a year ($26 for international addresses). I figured, well, then its my job. But the only certainty we have is the certainty we had at the start: At fifteen seconds after 9:41 a.m., on September 11, 2001, a photographer named Richard Drew took a picture of a man falling through the skyfalling through time as well as through space. Its obviously not going to serve you well as you get older. Bob: Yeah, I took those pictures on the 13th. (A resonant woodwind loops and reloops over the crackle of vinyl playing.). And the only ways that he could really feel his grief in the beginning were, if he drank, it was easier to sort of disinhibit himself. To the outside world, Bobby, 26, was a charmer, a striver, a furnace of ambition. This is one of the many things you learn about mourning when examining it at close range: Its idiosyncratic, anarchic, polychrome. Some people never get down the mountain at all.. Was his spirit living on in some way? Im going to be the poster child for, uh, lets say it, At least Im not Helen! [Laughs.] The Atlantic September 2021 Issue: The Commons - The Atlantic Copyright 2021 The Atlantic and New York Public Radio. I dont want to get away from it. And shell go in any direction, and we always end up talking about Bobby. [A beat.] And that was great. No. Youd known the McIlvaines for decades. I mean, thats how important those times were. What touched me when I first read the piece in 2003 and continues to resonate today, is the humanity of the man captured by photographer Richard Drew. When Bobby McIlvaine died in the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001, his loved ones spun off in radically different directions, each mourning in his or her own distinctand often highly idiosyncraticway. (A rewinding cacophony plays before melting into a softer, more somber soundscape.). Right now, for me, I would say that being an American is being empathetic to everyone from all different types of backgrounds and races and understanding them, and understanding what theyre doing here in our country. Senior: And, you know, the internet was building and building and building at that time. Senior: Do you ever feel like, um, [A beat.] Jeff: So I called him. 9/11, the beginning of a series of wars. Jeff, Bobbys younger brother, was just a kid in those days, but he was always unreasonably good-natured when he turned up. The emotional toll of September 11th is a heavy price families and loved ones have paid every day since. Anytime you go on an airplane and you saw someone of that race or ethnicity, you get a little uneasy. As Garrett M. Graff reports, 13,238 Americans were born on September 11th, 2001. The Experiment: What 9/11 Did to One Family on Apple Podcasts its too much of a preoccupation, maybe not for you, but for the people around you? Pocket's Best of 2021: Long Reads We know that Bob McIlvaine almost chooses to stay at the top, although he comes down from time to time. Senior: He thought it was weird that we went to war. He wanted to be a writer, but one of the things that Bobby learned early in his life in publishing is that a lot of people in publishing came from upper-middle-class families. You have four children. Senior: She was stuck. Senior: How do you make the distinction between the work that youre doing and other things that are labeled conspiracy theories? Nicholas Thompson CEO at The Atlantic 11mo Edited Today, The Atlantic received extraordinary news from The Pulitzer Prizes, starting with Jennifer Senior winning for feature writing for her. So Ive had the opportunity to do that for at least 20 years. Jeff: My biggest pet peeveand people still do this to this dayis, you tell them about your brother. How some guard theirs and others rail, both pitted against something that can never be truly assuaged. Mourning Bobby McIlvaine - The Atlantic Faced with certain death, he chose the way in which he left this world and in his leaving, blessed us with his grace. They talked politics and progressive politics. And ifif thats going to [Laughs.] I mean, it was just this primal bawling. It's Your Friends Who Break Your Heart. Senior: But talking to anyone else about Bobby felt awkward. Youre thinking, I feel bad for myself thatthat I dont have them anymore. A medical examiner who I spoke to didnt seem to think that there was anything inconsistent about a very different hypothesis, which is that burning debris could have fallen and done this to him. If I ever make an appearance in a story, its two-thirds of the way down, in one paragraph, and then I get out. Proudly powered by Newspack by Automattic. She would just ramble on. She was my being-able-to-feel-normal. Its all or nothing for us, said senior running back Collin Eaddy 22, PAW asked constitutional scholars what changes they would make, Our house was completely gone, said Miles Patrie *16. Jennifer Senior has written a powerful cover story for this month's issue of The Atlantic, profiling the family of Bobby McIlvaine, who was 26 years old when he died at the World Trade Center on 9/11. He would put toothpaste on his toothbrush and not know what to do with it. Helen: I just immersed myself inin all these (Fades under.). Many had to pass mentally demanding tests to become police officers and firefighters in the first place. Helen: And its all I could think of to do, because he couldnt be gone. They wanted to be a part of it. Senior: So Bob Sr. believed that the government wasnt telling him the truth about how or why. Thats what it felt like. Oh, these are the bad people. which was certainly not my parents intention when teaching me about 9/11. Helen: I became, as Im trying to not be this victim, I found myself petty, bickering, and, um, things that I really didnt like about myself. Aug 9, 2021. Longoria: And Jeff realized Bobby worked in the building above them, basically. Some people never get down the mountain at all.. Save The Girl in the Kent State Photo Patricia McCormick The Washington Post Magazine In 1970, an image of a dead protester at Kent State became iconic. Graff interviewed 19 of them to find out. That with this change in the season, people get more melancholy. Bobby McIlvaine was a 26-year-old employee with Merrill Lynch when he died on 9/11 in the World Trade Center. Too Maury Povich. My God! I thought the McIlvaines might want to know. Jeff: Bobby dying onon September 11, you couldnt get, like, a bigger version of death, you know? And it was a really helpful metaphor for the McIlvaines. But he was like, I gotta go. I imagined a small plane, perhaps a Cessna. I mean, you know, I dont think it would have gone as well if I didnt meet her. Cause then what would he think? Jeff: and had apartments. Not sure if this . (The hauntingly soft melody fades out ever so subtly.). He really became much more radicalized after that. A siren passes. I just couldnt do it, because I think my brain, and from what Ive understoodIve read a lot about it and talked to the therapists andyour brain can only handle so much. But thanks to a happy accident of timing, my brother got to spend his nights chattering away with this singular kid, an old soul with a snappity-popping mind. Bob: The multiple lacerations in the chest, you know? The mountain was 9/11, an event experienced in some way by all of us Americans and millions around the world. 50:15 Play Audio Add to Playlist Share Report 286 Listens In this bonus episode, Dani speaks with writer Jennifer Senior about her cover story 'What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind' for the September 2021 issue of The Atlantic. Bob: Condoleezza Rice was so bad. I became very active. Look at that. Bob: I remember going to the morgue. Well, armarm could go off anywhere. Ground Zero, morning of theSeptember 13. Look, its aI have not seen the likes of these pictures since, its just , Bob: Well theres not many pictures like it, cause there wasnt many people down there, takin, Senior: No! Jeff: It haunts me, though, you know, to think like, Oh. On Grief: Love, Loss, Memory - Goodreads Longreads : The best longform stories on the web, Grief, conspiracy theories, and one familys search for meaning in the two decades since 9/11., Become a Longreads Member for just $5 per month. Thankfully, thats something I grew out of, and I definitely worked on. Bob: Because I want people in the world to know who killed my son. Senior: II cannot actually speak with any kind of confidence about what made Bob Sr. look at the medical examiners report and conclude, based on what he saw, that Bobby mustve died from an explosion. Eight years later, almost to the day, a different accident of timing would take Bobbys life. I was hoping I would get answers. But the second I thought about trying to get the diary back, I realized there was no way she didnt have a set of perfectly rational, coherent reasons. ]I felt a responsibility to not die. [When he died], Bobby was still her young son. 1) What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind (Jennifer Senior, The Atlantic, September 2021) Bobby McIlvaine was 26 years old when he died at the Twin Towers in Manhattan on September 11th, 2001. What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2021/09/twenty-years-gone-911-bobby-mcilvaine/619490/ When Bobby McIlvaine died on September 11, 2001, his desk at home was a study in plate tectonics, coated in shifting piles of leather-bound diaries and yellow legal pads. Senior: He had four kids and the oldest is a boy, and they named him Bobby. Senior: Relationships, family, girls. Senior: How many folders do you have there, Bob? She had, like, done such a successful job of deflecting that she was suddenly in a cul-de-sac of kind of her own making. The family wasnt going to ask [Jen] for the diary directly. Bob: Yeah. Whoops! Longoria: While Bob Sr. traveled the world, thinking every day about his sons death, his wife, Helen, and son Jeff were making their own individual ways down the mountain. You know, he was just my friend. Senior: Or pitied! The man who died, Bobby McIlvaine, had a unique & thoughtful way of looking at the world & kept many journals throughout his adolescence & young adulthood until his untimely death at age 26. So now we know, of course, why the medical examiner didnt want him to see him. Discussing Bobby McIlvaine and grief with George Stephanopoulos on Good Morning America. And then I feel better. Maybe she didnt add Then I feel better, but she implied that she felt better. What Bobby McIlvaine left behind Source: What Bobby McIlvaine left behind - One Man Volunteered To Go To Auschwitz. In curating this list out of so many stories written in response to the events of that day I found myself drawn mostly to ones published in the past few years. Jeff: I would cry, and we were talkin up Bob, and then I would cry more, and then we wouldwe would all [Laughs.] What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind Grief, conspiracy theories, and one family's search for meaning in the two decades since 9/11 By Jennifer Senior September 2021 Issue This article was published. This episode's guests include the Atlantic staff writer Jennifer Senior and Helen McIlvaine, Bob McIlvaine Sr., and Jeff McIlvaine, the family of Bobby McIlvaine Jr. Further reading: "What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind," "Everything My Husband Wasn't There For" A transcript of this episode is available. But here is, truly, what I learned from the McIlvaines about grief. Jeff: They said, Grief with someone is like being at the top of Mount Everest and youre trying to get down.. Katie Martin September 2021 Issue Saved Stories This article was published online on August 10, 2021. Youre proud to be American because of the way that our country values hard work and capitalism. Senior: The problem is that everyone was traumatized by September 11. But there might be a flaw in that metaphor too, she says, because, you know, some people never get down the mountain.. And he always felt terrible about it. Bob: Well, II do what Im doing. There was an error and we couldn't process your subscription. Senior: But what she does share with Bob Sr. is this profound experience of losing their firstborn. Additional music by Joe Plourde. And the periphery suggests he was almost back at Merrill Lynch. We could not believe that four aircraft wed helped make with love and pride had been used to cause terror and death. Bob Sr. has fringe views about what really happened on 9/11, but you write about him with such empathy. And then what happened was that, eventually, he became very interested in the 9/11 Commission hearings. Helen: He loved Oreos and pizza. Do you want to see my office? And I was just like, No., (The music takes a turn, quieter and ominous.). He was my brother. Reporting by Jennifer Senior. They talked about everything. I could not take that role. What Bobby Mcilvane Left Behind: Grief, conspiracy theories - Reddit Senior: Because feeling peoples pity is the worst. Senior: Its like seeing your (Indistinct.). Senior: Somewhere around the 10-year mark, she just had some kind of epiphany. Helen: And they had the TV set on in every classroom. I thought that this piece would be a written version of that show, if all goes perfectly. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Senior: To the extent that, like, relief and happiness are the same, theres something about that, when he goes to Ground Zero and he can just allow himself to fully experience itthe loss. And I can honestly say today that Im happy that I had Bobby as my brother more than Im sad that hes gone. Early on, the McIlvaines spoke to a therapist who warned them that each member of their family would grieve differently. I slept on the couch, and my parents slept on the floor. I wanted to talk about it sometimes, Senior: I cant keep leading my life this way.. We have to capture some of this righteous anger, so Hijackers Surprised to Find Selves in Hell. The one that always tickled me was Rest of Country Temporarily Feels Deep Affection for New York.. The subject of Senior's piece, Bobby McIlvaine '97, was her brother's roommate while at Princeton, as well as in 2001, when McIlvaine tragically died in the September 11 attacks on New York's twin towers. I mean, if a Catholic reads this, theyre going to say, She thinks shesshes the mother of Jesus! (Laughs.). Tracking shards of grief for 20 years, and daring to love your story What was hard was that researching and doing the story itself, all the interviews, stirred up so much stuff for her. Longoria: And for Bob Sr. especially, the mystery of how exactly his son died would stay with him, consume him, and set him on a path that he still travels down. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. [Both laugh.] Senior: The McIlvaines, very early on, saw a grief counselor who said to them, Heres how you have to think about this: You are all at the top of a mountain, and you all have a broken leg, and you all have to get down to the bottom of the mountain.. We kept calling. He barely lived! Senior: So Bobby died when Jeff was so young that Jeff, who is very self-deprecating and who you could mistake for being just kind of an average Joe, because thats how he likes to present himself, hes not. Less than a week after his death, Bobby's father had to contend with that pitiless still life of a desk. Right away, I telephoned the principal who promised to take care of the matter.